Aging up and being in spaces that fit
Life audits, the wisdom of intuition, and self reflection prompts to bring more peace, joy and ease in your life.
Scrolling on instagram I came across Kitty Blomfield’s post and had a bit of a laugh.
When you’re running a business, showing up on social media is a requirement of the role. I normally enjoy doing that, but there is a part of me lately that noticed the above was the type of content I keep getting shown across a whole variety of topics. And whilst I love hearing from a wide range of experiences, I’m noticing how much I’m starting to be drawn to accounts that are made by women in their 50’s because I’m chasing wisdom, and the reality is that decade is a lot more closer to me than my 20’s, even though it feels like it was only 5 years ago.
We know how much culture glorifies youth, but there seems to be an increase of the use of nostalgia and funny memes to remind you of the past - or perhaps that’s just my algorithm. Whilst the more cynical part of me thinks is this just a ploy to keep people stuck remembering the good old days or pining for lost youth rather than be present in the reality of now, another radical thought occurred to me - was I starting to get aged out by Instagram?
Lately I’ve been craving more - more depth, more words, more meaning. Studying business and marketing, and investing literal thousands into various coaching courses, I realise I’m tired of seeing the same old tactics being used. I’m craving more authenticity and simplicity. And now that I’ve put it ‘out there’, I’m starting to see where things are not matching up to those values. And it got me thinking about how the places you put yourself impact you.
Where you spend time matters, and so I’m curious - when was the last time you did a check in with the environments you surround yourself with? What is your home life like - is it representative of your lifestyle? What about your car or bedroom? Online spaces? Friendship groups? Work?
This is your reminder that it may be time to do an internal audit on your life and see what ‘fits’, and what’s ready to be let go.
Has there been any intuitive gut feels that you’ve been ignoring?
I want to share an experience with my own internal audit from the beginning of 2019. My husband and I had always spoken about moving from the city and having some land to be able to grow our own food and have space and not have to see or hear neighbours. We’d spoken about it for years prior, but I suddenly felt my intuition say ‘now is the time’.
Our children were 8 and 6 at the time, and I knew if we were going to move it would be easier at this age rather than in their teens where they’d be more enmeshed with their activities and friends and would make it more difficult to leave. We had already had a little beach shack that we would escape to most weekends - the decision was easy. As we already home educated we didn’t have to worry about school enrollments, we could sell in Melbourne and then live in the beach shack until we found the right place. We envisioned it would be a 6 - 12 months adventure and ready to take the leap. Simon would commute to Melbourne - he was self employed so easy to make adjustments to his work schedule as needed.
In the latter half of that year we ended up selling our home and moving, thinking it was only going to be a few months. Little did we know what 2020 would have in store for us all, and being in Victoria, Australia, where Melbourne was the most locked down city in the world, those years were pretty intense.
Following my instincts and intuition is what allowed us to see the covid years out with as minimal disruption as possible. Our daily rhythms weren’t all that different to what we were used to as our family life was based around the home. We had already started to meet local and like minded families in the area, so had a network to connect with. We educated ourselves on legislative changes and were still able to visit family in Melbourne when we could. Being removed from the centre of things gave us time and space to think and act from a space of informed choice, rather than fear and desperation.
I still feel the impacts of lock-down and the heavy toll it placed on many. Melbourne is no longer the vibrant engaging city it once was - there’s a lack of trust, and a layer of wariness and exhaustion that seems to coat the surface. Grief, loss, anger, shame, fear, uneasiness, humiliation - it was a time where a lot of people met who they really were, which is confronting. As much as I love shadow work, there’s also a limit to how much time you can spend there without it consuming you. Sometimes it’s just easier to hide behind illusions and believe the stories we tell ourselves in order to avoid addressing the pain.
When you think you have freedom to do what you want, covid so easily shattered the illusion of what freedom actually is.
It’s difficult seeing ourselves in this manner. Who am I really and what do I stand for? How do I stay safe and keep myself small to avoid issues with authority, how do I comply so we can just get everything over and go ‘back to normal’, how can I skip through the pain of having to explain myself and choices to others who don’t agree with me, how do I share my values and point of view that doesn’t upset others or make me a target of judgement and persecution, how do I adapt to changes in routine that I had no choice in making, how do I my best to just survive and make it through the day?
Coming out the other side, the last few years has been a cautious exploration back into (not-so) ‘normal’ life which is radically different to how things were ‘before’. One of the first things I spoke about at the start of covid was the digital shift that would occur. We just sped up the inevitable technology advancements needed to make the stream of information much more accessible. So many industries were forced to pivot and be online in order to stay connected. This is both blessing and a curse. I love the internet. Communication and knowledge and the tips of my fingers makes me happy. But at what cost?
Less cash, more digital transactions, no need for a wallet, everything on your phone. We’re so reliant on these digital structures that it takes natural disasters to recognise what is real and what actually matters in this human experience when the technology is down - human connection. An app won’t clear the trees that block the road or perform the welfare check on your loved ones when electricity is out.
So all of this is to ask you - have you adjusted to life as we know it? Is it time for an internal audit to check and see what fits and what doesn’t? Knowing your place is confronting, but it’s also a pathway to peace -when you know who you are, you can detach from experiences that aren’t meant for you.
Knowledge allows us to make informed choices. We don’t need to make it mean anything more than what it is. If you notice you are lacking joy or spark in areas of your relationship or friends, take this sign as the tap on your shoulder to invite your attention in this area and find ways to address what is needed.
Self reflection prompts
Rate the following areas out of 10:
Relationships with self
Relationships with Others - partner, children, parents, siblings, friends
Career/Purpose
Home Environment
Finances
Spiritual Practices
Creativity
Hobbies/Activities
See what is rated the lowest and choose one to focus on and ask:
What is working and I should keep doing?
What could be improved?
What changes need to be made?
What can I start doing to bring me more joy?
What do I need to stop to bring more peace?
I’ve regularly conducted check ins throughout my life and they are so helpful. In my 20’s I used to think work was the issue, but when I audited the above areas, I realised how low I had rated my spiritual, creative practices and hobbies. Sometimes it’s more about increasing the things that bring joy and laughter to balance out stress that can be the most effective.
Turning 40 a few years ago my check in prompt was what brings me joy. I wanted to revive the spark within my life. I reflected on how much I used to love going out dancing but hadn’t done that in years. I had a choice - I could either stew in nostalgia and not take action, ultimately leading to resentment and frustration, or I could follow the path of desire and see where that could lead me. One way was by making some killer playlists and listening to music that uplifts and gets me moving. And the other was making it a priority to attend a couple of dance events a year with friends which has been so much fun. After I finish posting this article I’ll be on my way to Melbourne to attend a Ministry of Sound event tonight (events that run from 3pm-11pm get a massive tick from me. It’s very likely I’ll be able in bed by midnight. Double win!!).
I’d love to hear how you go with the self reflection, so please comment with any insights gleaned from the exercise. Practices like this allow ourselves to reconnect with our true self through taking action in an aligned way to create the change you wish to see in your life. As much as my writing has been talking about my experience in my 40’s, age is just a number - we get to choose how to live our lives. Give yourself permission to show up on any dancefloor you wish you attend x